Sorry i am not a saint, but just an ordinary person.
An ordinary hypocrite, a two-sided person.
They say ignorance is bliss.
Never believe in this saying.
But did yesterday.
True, when you don't know anything, you can be as happy as you want.
But after you know that cold reality, everything becomes grey and gloomy.
No more sunshine no more rainbow.
But anyway those beauty scenes never existed in my real life.
Perhaps in my dream world, but no in reality.
I really shouldn't have expected much.
I should have known, and i really knew.
But still, in my sub-conscious mind, i had a small vision that it will work.
And this is my fatal mistake.
Virtually killed me, my soul.
Things would never be the same again.
And you ruined it.
Think it was nothing??
Yea, i said that to so called 'assure' you.
I, too, thought it was nothing.
How foolish i was.
But when i lay on the bed reflecting, i realized it was not ok.
I admit i was a hypocrite, and still am.
But what could i do??
Shout and yell in your face and sever all ties???
I won't do it.
But as i said, things would never be the same ever again, no matter how same it looked on the surface.
There was this strong feeling last night, whole night.
Betrayal??
Maybe this is too harsh a word to use.
Now as i think back, it really is a small thing.
Last night at the moment of truth, i genuinely admit it was nothing.
Funny, how come i magnify it until so grave, like you??
But good for you now, you are relieved of that burden, like how you said "lifted a stone from your mind"
But for me???
A slight heavy tug.
And i will carve in my heart the humiliation that i stomached last night.
Then will come vengeance for the shame of that moment, that minute.
I decided....
To be just ordinary frens.
Nothing else.
Don't worry, i am not going to bombard your phone with those silly sms of mine anymore.
Goodbye.
